READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
