And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Less talking, more tequila
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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