I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
