i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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