i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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