well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
