how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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