like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
