You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
