she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i now understand why vodka
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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