i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
