Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
