I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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