New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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