I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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