I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
