whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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