Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
