Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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