These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize