How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
