Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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