I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
