Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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