I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
