So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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