i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What a dumb baby whore.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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