you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize