Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
