I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
