It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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