sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
