Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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