My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
