even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
