break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
