I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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