she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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