Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
