there's paper in my vomit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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