You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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