You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
