You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
