I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My feet surprised me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize