me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When are your genitals available?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
