So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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