It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
