Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
