I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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