we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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