Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
