I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize