this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
