I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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