Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
