shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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