Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
