so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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