She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
