mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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