i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
