Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
