last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
