I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
