Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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