I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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