I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
