my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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