Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pants are for mortals
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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