You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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