How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize