Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
