just come out here and I will go home with you...
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
