That's intense
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
