We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
