Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
