I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
