lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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